Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Blue Eyes

God damn it.
We’ve been grounded. Or perhaps more accurately, I’ve been grounded. Fracture says we’re not allowed to go anywhere because we’re waiting on special permissions for my next assignment. They aren’t even pretending I’m being sent out for actual work anymore.

And this town is so incredibly boring. I don’t know how Fracture was able to keep cooped up in this motel room for five days without losing it. I’ve only had to stay here for one and I’m beginning to lose it. I keep going through my list checking to see if there are any other marks I could be knocking out as long as I’m stuck here but there is nobody.

I wish I could at least take comfort in my own metal health but that was ruined for me too. I figured coming out of a mental break down was going to mean I was going to be extra stable and ready to go for a little while. I’m starting to think the opposite might actually be true. Yesterday, I… I randomly broke into tear and I don’t know why. I wasn’t sad or extremely happy, nor was I tired or my eyes sore. It was fucking bizarre and I couldn’t make it stop. The thought that I was sad about something kind of made me actually sad.

I tried to talk to Fracture about it. That got me this:

“You seem to be suffering from some deep seeded emotional trauma that your conscious mind is refusing to acknowledge for one reason or another.”

“Umm… ok then? How do I fix it?”

And then he went silent on me. He’s so incredibly fucking useless. What good does it do me to just identify the problem if you can’t fucking fix it?

And you know I could have taken all of this in strife without a word. I normally wouldn’t need a vent. But Fracture has there terrible fucking habit of singing following a session. I can hear him passively spewing out lyrics to some song as he sits there going through his notes. Most of the songs seem to tie back to whatever our discussion was about but I’m stumped on this one.

“Blue eyes, blue eyes, what’s a matter, matter…”

I don’t fucking have blue eyes. I can’t fucking take this.
I think… I think I’m going to go beat him with a marker. I hate to prove him right but I need to shut him up.


  1. Swan, identifying the problem is the first step towards fixing it. It's not quite a simple as you might think.

    Now Fracture, did you do as I told you? Or has he put you in a full-body cast armed only with a Sharpie?

    1. If I'm remembering right, your sage advice was to learn to be awesome. I'm afraid I'm still working on that. No broken bones though, just bruises. I was pretty lucky.

      I tried to fight him back with a shovel again. Learned it's actually easier to parry a marker with your hand then it is a shovel. Progress...

    2. I swear, the day that you two get along will be awesome.

      And the end of the world.

    3. We may very well be getting along now, but I would never know it. Subject 926 pathologically hurts those around him so logically he will probably never stop treating me like this.

    4. I agree.
      You two getting along is nice.

    5. For him maybe. I'm still a punching bag.

    6. You should just be happy I've yet to break that rib. I haven't forgotten about it.