Tuesday, April 23, 2013

My Little David: Rape is Magic II

Cupcake Edition. ^-^

Its funny. Trust me.

Now let me clarify something before I share the following. While I have nothing against David Banks personally, his abandonment of service and what he is capable of makes him a very dangerous person and as long as he continues to stand as a force apart from Father he is to be considered too dangerous to be left alive. Having said that I share the following in light of the fact that it may scare off proxies that may have been considering going after David themselves to try to collect on his high bounty. I share this in spite of that because you need to know how dangerous a task this is. David may very well kill you should you fail... if you're lucky.

Four nights ago a recovery team responded to a distress call. The caller was hysterical and was babbling incessantly.

[The Proxy in Distress. Apparently an Elf from middle earth.]

"Fuck man, come help me. Please god come help me. He killed them all. Hes g-got a cleaver! C-Come help me now!"

*Screaming. 'We're All in This Together' from High school Musical can be heard playing in the background in a moment of silence following the scream*

"C-C-Cu-... H-He c-cut off my fu-"

*More screams. "...make our dreams come true...!"*

"The poor thing fainted. You should come pick him. He doesn't look well."

*Hang Up Noise*

When they arrived they made a cautious sweep of the house and found the bodies of three proxies in the basement and one barely still living proxy, apparently Legolas, tied to a chair.

All of the bodies where unrecognizable. 
Beyond the cuts, gashes, puncture wounds, missing teeth, burn marks, and bruises/tears that stand as a clear indicator of violent rape that all three corpses shared, two of the bodies had large sections of their skin removed.

Given the intact nature of the internal organs and the excessive amount of blood soaking the floor, it would appear all three of the murdered victims met their death in blood loss when David was done with them.

Based on what we were able to get out of Legolas once he finally calmed down and agreed to talk with us about what happened,  he was tied down and made to watch David slowly torture, rape, and kill his friends one at a time.

"Wh-When he was finished with... wh-when they f-f-finally stopped screaming and st-struggling... he'd sk-skin them. F-F-F-Fucking cook and feed them to us. Starve us out... t-taunted us when we f-finally..." he stammered out and then started vomiting and crying.

While Legolas himself was not tortured, beyond having to watch his friends die at least, he did not make it out Scott free. David removed Legalos' right leg from just above his knee down, which is what we heard happening over the phone.

Legolas is currently taking residence in the Free Market HQ and will be recieving bi-weekly therapy and weekly physical therapy lessons until such a time that I am satisfied that he has become 'well' again.

To those of you out there still looking to collect on David's Bounty, Father help you.

I wish you a quick death.

The Lord Guardian Fracture, out!

Sunday, April 7, 2013


"Why should anyone fear the Sages? They're worthless fucking broken symbols if you ask me. Come at me bitch!"

It's funny to see runners making a comeback on the blogs. For a little while there it was almost like they had all gone extinct. And just as odd a phenomenon as the sudden emergence of runners, we also have a sudden decline in proxy activity.

And what of the Sages? Nick, ShaunHakurei Ryuu. They're just all gone suddenly, you know?

It leaves these new runners in an bad place. They've no semblance of leadership to guide them and no marker of hope to feed them lies about how it's all gonna turn out alright. To convince them that there is hope and that there is a chance everyone can make it out of this okay.

But then, something caught my eye. Suddenly, there was a beacon of light in the distance. Could it be... a new hope?

I found myself curious and I couldn't help myself, so I chased that sliver of light and clenched my fist tight ready for a worthy fight to find... this.

This Baby Feral Rake Sage-ish... thing... calling itself 'Med' of all things. Truly an inspired name, truly.

THIS, is apparently the new Sage. THIS, is supposed to be the beacon for a new wave of hope and thoughtless optimism. 

Hahaha... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... oh god, that's good.

You're all fucked.

The Lord Guardian Fracture