Monday, May 1, 2017

Another Prop

I saw her again. You know, her. The daughter I never had.

Its weird. When I'm there its so real. Its so plain and clear to me that she is my daughter but I can't justify that sensation when I'm here where things are actually real. I never had to question what it was like to start being stalked by the slender man for a regular runner before because when I got inducted Fracture was there. He introduced us and explained every little thing I could ever want to know about the eldritch abomination before me to the best of his ability and after listening to him talk about it so much in that one hour much less for the dozen or so years I've know him since Father has never been alien to me. Hes always been a thing I've known and understood for as long as I've known its existed and I really took for granted what a gift that was for Fracture to give me because I don't understand whats happening to me now and I feel like I'm maybe going crazy.

I've never heard of a fear or any phenomenon that haunts or hunts like this. Sure the lost child plays on your need to protect and makes you love it and steals your life and that's sort of similar some aspects but this thing, my unborn daughter if my thoughts in those moments are to be trusted, doesn't want your love. It wants your guilt.

Its not always so unbearable to be around it. When I'm around her it feels right. Like I should be there. Like she should be there. But that doesn't last. She always ruins it. Or... reminds me that I ruined this. That this could have been, but because of me it never was. And that feeling of loss for something I most assuredly have never had becomes so unbearable. I didn't even mourn her the first time I lost her, when I apparently make sure she would never be, but god do I mourn her in those moments each and every time she reminds me of what I've done now.

Shes like a ghost haunting me for the sins I've committed. A loved one lost at my hands who won't let me let them go. But that's the really fucked up part. Never did.

From the way we interact, the words we use and the feelings I get when I see her, its as if shes supposed to be a daughter I've aborted making my dreams into some weird pro-life fueled nightmare I can't escape. But that's odd twice because for one thing I'm pro-choice and couldn't give to shits about an aborted life. As far as I'm concerned a child isn't even a person until its five.  For another thing, the only thing I've fucked in my 20 something years of living is my hand and I would have noticed if I managed to have knocked that up.

So whatever this thing is, I have to conclude that /She/ is not real. She is just a thing /It/ is making me see. But that leaves me know loser to know what It is but I refuse to call It by Her name! So uh... gonna call it the unborn. Because that's all I know about from what It has been pretending to be. That It is not alive and It blames me for that.

But I've rambled long enough about something I can honestly say I don't actually know anything about. So I'm gonna leave you here with my account of our last exchange because that part is the objectively true part. Whatever It actually is and whatever It actually wants, all I can say for absolutely certain is this was our last conversation. Existence is the purest truth.



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I was walking down the hall when it happened this time. I wasn't even truly asleep. Nor do I feel I was day dreaming. I never stopped walking but I looked over and she was there in her plain little white dress walking along side me as if she had been there the whole time. And I felt as if she had. As if she was supposed to be there. I didn't skip a beat or flinch or hesitate. I smiled at her and she smiled back up at me. Her smile man, it filled me with hope. Hope I can honestly say I don't normally have in the waking world. I spend a lot of time worrying about he might cross me and how to be ready for that eventuality and how to deal with it when it comes but I see that genuine joy on her face my sudden but inevitable betrayal is the furthest thing from my mind.

And we walked like that for a ways enjoying each others company before she finally broke our mutual silence with a sudden question.

"Daddy, who do you think god believes in?" she asked thoughtfully. I looked down at her and saw she was deep in thought contemplating her own question. Whenever she thinks about something its like shes gone. She stares off into nothing and its like the whole world around her has faded away from her and shes staring off into the cosmos looking for knowledge that should be well beyond the grasp of a child her age. When she stares at nothing like that I can't help but stare into her eyes. They're just so intense I can't help but wonder what they might be thinking.

Where does a child that young even dig up such a question to ask? How am I even supposed to address that? So many possibilities for something I don't know. For something I can't know because nobody knows. No one even knows for sure if hes even real. I'm told thats the point but thats never sat well with me. I remember dreading that her mother even took her to church. It felt so cruel in my mind to tell a child what it believes in. Shouldn't that be up to the child? But now here I was trying to dictate something to her about something I knew nothing about because someone else dictated something else they knew nothing about to her.

But then I thought about the core structure of all catholic belief. That there is a Father and he begot man, his children, in his image. If there's one thing I as a Father had faith in, it was her. All parents do. They have to don't they? That despite what little she was and what little she was capable of now, that one day with my guidance she would become a fully capable individual able to function and act on her own and shape the world and it's future to her will. And so I told her that in not so many words. "I like to believe he believes in us, sweety," I told with a confident reassuring grin.

I watched as my words snapped her out of her deep thought so she could look up at me and take in my answer with her full attention. Sometimes it scares me to think how I might be affecting her. How I might be ruining her. Shes takes in everything I tell her with such certainty as if it were all a fact when here I was just kind of guessing. Guessing half jokingly at that. Worries me.

After I said that she nodded and I watched her stare through me, no long looking at me anymore but viewing the cosmos behind me as she shifted back into her deep thoughts. I did not have to wait long for her to come back to me this time but I felt my fears realized when she did and started staring at me properly again because she looked upset this time. Perturbed I think is the word. I could see something was wrong. I was worried I was gonna need to take this to her mother to try to smooth ever whatever way my words had upset her.

With a confused upset tone she spoke once more to ask me yet another question. "I guess... if he has so much faith in us, then why does he keep testing me like this!" she yelled out me in a suddenly furious tone. I knew suddenly what she was talking about. She was talking about me. About what I had done to her. She glared up at me with a cold, furious, dead stare and I had to look away. I couldn't face her.

I took a deep breath and steeled my nerves. I clenched my hand and grit my teeth as I made myself turn to meet her eyes once again. But she wasn't there anymore. She never had been. And it was my fault she never would be.

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Back to Fucking Business

It's my turn to post, but there's not much to report. We already won. Right now we're just working on getting shit back to normal. Or as close to normal as you can get when you're involved with the Free Market.

Piper seems to be thriving as the leader of the Fire Cult, and I've been going and helping assert our authority (here meaning beating the fuck out of them in the training room) to help her out. It's incredibly satisfying, as you might guess. Talking to her is... odd. But good. I've gotten used to my silent Masks everywhere, and I got used to her as a Mask. But she's not at all shy to speak up now, and despite being so thoroughly a part of one cult before, I think fire suits her.

Duckie seems to be adjusting quite well to life beyond the grave. I like him a little more this time around. He seems to have mellowed a little. I still plan on avoiding him mostly. It's kind of creepy talking to a corpse. And honestly, he's still an asshole.

Speaking of assholes, Fracture continues to be the biggest shitstain I've ever seen. I don't know what fucked up game he's playing, but he keeps jerking us around and it's getting really old. I really hate that we have to keep him around, but there are some things he apparently does better than anyone else we have.

Hopefully, that's good enough. I'm not going to ramble about random crap that might be used against us just for the sake of a compelling post.

Saturday, April 4, 2015

The One I Left Behind

It was black and cold. Nothing to see in any direction. The black endless abyss. I knew, almost by instinct that I was not in the land of the living nor was I beyond the threshold of death. My body was real. I was certainly corporeal. This form was not a construct of my mind crafting a familiar shape for me to help me rationalize this place. I had flesh and a pulse. And yet here I was in this place clearly beyond the scope of the waking world of the living.

I skipped my first question. How didn't really matter. No, when you woke up in a situation like this... it was always the why of it that truly mattered. Not that I got to ask that question either before I was interrupted.

I felt something of small frame lean against my legs and let out a heavy sigh. "You know... I really wanted to meet you" said the apparently young girl. I could sense she was looking up at nothing when she said that. Felt her little head tilt back against the back of my kneel.

I didn't waste time standing there. After what I had done to this poor thing, I was hesitant to let it behind me, least it decide to suddenly lash out at me. So I spun around to face her... my poor departed daughter.

I don't know what it was. I should have been nicer. As her killer, you'd think I'd be the least I could do. But it seemed I was the one who was lashing out here. I guess I had been the only one given the opportunity in the land of the living. So in that way, it was fitting. "You didn't want to meet me. You just wanted to live."

She spun around when I spun around. She was short in all black with pale white skin. Short messy blond hair. Eyes with a blue so soft and light they mirrored the color of the sky. She had short little wings to her back but those wings looked like someone had taken a hammer to them and it clear by the desperate  crooked way they flapped that they could not carry her far. She would not be able to make the trip beyond this realm. She would have to return to the world I had ejected her from pre-maturely and suffer another life cycle if she ever hoped to get anywhere.

Its odd that I can remember he so vividly given that she gave me no real time to look at her before she snapped back at me. Perhaps its because I never got to meet her as a baby? In that respect, seeing her as the child she intended to become certainly was stunning. I can't say how I knew it was her without every looking. Given the strange nature of the place, maybe I just sort of felt it in the air. While I was corporeal, she wasn't. And spirits tend to bleed into those around them with no solid form to contain them... I guess.

When she spun around to face me, she crossed her arms and tucked those broken wings behind her giving me a cold glare. "Is that so wrong?" she asked with a transparent huff.

I stopped a moment. He words stung. I hadn't really given a second thought to justify getting rid of her in life. She was an obstacle. An issue on the horizon. An obligation that, if not snuffed in brief period, would have haunted me for 18 years or longer. I hadn't needed a reason to deny her life. It just made good sense.

I gave the only defense I could. The only thing I could think of in that moment. "It's certainly selfish," I finally retorted to her self-righteously with the vigor of a man who knew his bible.

But I feel she saw it coming because she was ready with a retort. "Must have gotten that from you."

I fell onto my back leg and looked around. I didn't want to be here anymore. This wasn't proving fun.

"You'll never escape me you know. I will find you back in that horrible place... if I have to wait a thousand cycles to do it, I will find you," she growled, yelling now and flying into my face faster than I realized those crooked wings could carry her. I knew she would have that time and given enough of it she would find me. I had no love for the peace that supposedly laid in wait for me beyond this place. As many cycles as I intended to ride out, if she was patient she would eventually find me.

Maybe I should have said something comforting or consoling. Maybe I should have apologized. But then again. She wasn't my daughter. Not really. I had seen that.

So I left her with this tidbit of wisdom... or... not really wisdom. Simple truth at best I guess.

And when I was done, I let myself fall back into the blackness of that inky abyss to return to the waking world I so loved. I had told her, 'Certainly not as my daughter you won't' with a jeer and snicker. A simple truth I'm sure she already knew deep down.

As I sunk deep into consciousness, I heard her get the last word on me. So petulant. She just had to have it... she was like her daddy in that sense I suppose.

It was so angry. It came in a booming growl. Certainly wasn't original. But then it still got the point across in that way, I suppose.

"So be it."

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Fucking Brilliant

The first thing you need to know is that the Fire Cult has been dealt with. They are all free to go about serving Father. We wanted nothing more than to make sure the Cult was functioning properly instead of wasting itself fighting a stupid pointless war against the rest of the free market, and that has been assured.

I've never been overly fond of Whisper, but I have to say he is damn effective.

But to keep this all in order, lets start from the top. Sloth told you all about how we captured Jen. I had a great team for that, I kind of wish I could keep Snips, Firecracker, and Ivan, they're good fighters and did a great job. Jack... well, he's a kid. He held his own about as well as could be hoped for. Taking her down was much easier than expected, honestly. A fire hydrant was almost too obvious, really. How else would you take down a Fire, right?

I think Sloth may be rubbing off on me a bit. Ignore the stupid joke.

Anyway, after we fucked Jen's shit up, we had a potentially bigger dilemma to deal with-the entire Fire Cult still rebellious and angry. Which is where my team and Whisper came in. Jack and Ivan stayed with Sloth and Jen's corpse, just in case, while I took Snips and Firecracker into the main part of their Loop. Our mission was to get to the intercom room, so that we could broadcast Whisper's orders to the entire Loop. As you probably know, no one can disobey Whisper. It's just not possible. Which is why I usually avoid him, but for this, it came in very handy.

Unfortunately for us, when we arrived in the kitchen, there were at least fifty of them outside of it, arguing about their next move. Which is where Snips and Firecracker really stepped up. Firecracker can use the weird Fire Cult powers, which meant she could both blend in and cause chaos that wasn't easily traceable. She did so, causing one hell of a distraction. Snips went with her to help fend off anyone who might try to follow me or attack Firecracker. I, meanwhile, went on to the intercom room, very grateful that in the Loop no matter what happened they'd pop right back up in the morning.

Once in the intercom room, all it took was a phone call and a pair of earplugs, and the entire Fire Cult was subject to Whisper's instructions while I was not. Once Sloth, Devil, and the others showed up to finish things off, I joined them in the main hall where the entire Fire Cult was gathered sulkily. They had to show up, they had to submit, but none of them were overly happy about it.

They were even less happy to see what happened next. Ivan had Jen's corpse, and Whisper was standing by. It didn't take much to revive her, and with Devil manning the fire extinguisher, Whisper dealt with Jen in front of the entire cult. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what he did to her, but I don't know that it much mattered. I think even our enemies can agree that a woman so consumed by her own petty grudge she abandoned her duty to pursue it isn't exactly much good as a leader or a proxy.

Also, Duckie is back. More or less. And he showed up to help with crowd control and to take people's oaths. I wish I had more to say on such an obviously big event, but the circumstances of his resurrection are both top secret and completely confusing to me. The more overtly supernatural stuff admittedly still evades me. Suffice it to say that he's back and as spirited as ever. Maybe he'll even come back to the blog? Fucked if I know. He and I have hated each other since before he died, so he's certainly not telling me his plans.

Mumbles, now Lord Piper the Inferno apparently, now leads the Fire Cult. I'm sure she'll be great at it, I had been planning on giving her my job at some point, but I think she's needed much more in the Fire Cult. As a result, until I find someone I trust to take over, I'm once again pulling double duty as bodyguard and leader of the Mask Cult. They're talented people, they don't need me hovering over them all day anyway.

In conclusion, the Fire Cult is back where it should be, we're all getting back to our real work, and fuck you, Red Bitch.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

You Were Warned

Do you know how hard it is to steal a loop?

For your average person impossible. For a crafter, its an impressive feat that would take nothing more than their absolute best to ensure no one noticed the think they were living in being pulled away, modified, and re-tethered.

For the guy who practically made that loop and knows its every in and out by heart, its practically nothing.

For the record its not my fault. She was given every warning to stop but she just had to press her luck. I patiently waited to see what verdict she would come to and when word caught me she had left the loop for her meeting, I knew I had my answer. With this, she left me no choice.

I mean, I can't just let the fire cult go. They're a Free Market asset and Icon. In many ways, they are the front-line of defense and we've been suffering without them. Even the mask cult can recognize that it needs the fire cult to function properly and those assholes hate each other with a fiery passion. So as soon a Jen left, I had Jon secure her loop. Anyone who tried to enter or exit the loop would find themselves in the Fire Market's training hall where we stood ready with 100 armed masks and proxies.

I stood in the front of the fire row, waiting. I offered every arrival a chance. Serve the new Fire Lord mumbles or perish. Regardless of what they chose (Most said they'd rather perish) I had them gunned down and collected in cells to be revived once the queen bitch had been handled. And of course and and her finest eventually showed up.

She didn't hesitate when she saw me. She took a moment to gauge her surroundings and letting out a deep huff she started blowing a torrent of intense flame out of mouth.

There was a torrent of bullets that didn't make it to her as she threw out her hand and stopped blowing fire towards me so she could focus on and bending bullets around herself.

Her finest goons looked to charge me, knowing full well that the Fire was protecting them from a hail of bullets, rush for me but were met with my own ambush forces. Nat, Jack, Ivan, Snips, and Firecracker sprang out from the cover our of the floor boards and started carving them up. Its worth noting that Snips and Firecracker were two of her best fighters before they defected in favor of my regime when she tried to secede.

"Traitors," she declared throwing out her other hand to spray forth a short wave of flames at my team as the moved it to surround her. Her facing shifting as she put me on the back burner for later and turned to face this new threat. As I anticipated, she had completely disregarded me as a threat in this fight. So while she was bending bullet paths and spewing flames the other way to keep everyone else back, I walked up and clubbed her in the back of the head with my trusty fire extinguisher. I didn't wait to for her to get a chance to respond. As she was opening her mouth to spew flames at me I had already drawn the fire extinguisher's hose and I stuffed her stupid mouth and face with foam. Didn't take long for her to choke on and kill over on it.

Nat didn't take any chances. She, Snips, and Jack more or less dismembered and disemboweled the Fire to make sure she was gonna stay down... excessive to say the least but I liked their enthusiasm.

Among those cut down we found someone who wasn't on the known fire cult roster. I'm gonna assume that miss 'Rainy day' that jokes was referencing in his post. We also found a magic black stick. I'm assuming its the artifact Cordelia gave the Fire. I can't be sure though because I'm not sure what it does. All I know is it burns like the fucking sun when ever Nat or I try to hold it. Mumbles can apparently pick the damn thing up just fine though which is weird. "Maybe its specifically warded so Nat and I can't hold it? Hard to say."

Now I just need to figure out what do with the Fire, our other fire cult captives, and how I'm gonna re-induct the fucking fire cult to our ranks. They're a rowdy bunch and they were gearing up for a war...

Might have to go nuclear if I'm gonna put them back in their place.

Hmmm....

Sloth out.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Dumb Fucking Bitch

So, things just keep getting more ridiculous every time that stupid fire bitch opens her mouth. I don't even know. Apparently she's trying to turn the Fire Cult over to the Red Bitch? Wow. I thought she still had some kind of respect for fuckface, but I guess not. For someone who's supposed to be all cold logic and shit, she's sure damn willing to abandon logic, rationality, and loyalty to indulge in some stupid fucking grudge. 


I didn't know the fire cult stood primarily for selfish, petty wastes of time,energy, and life. Silly me, for thinking that a cult in such formerly high standing probably had some sort of honor or purpose. A dedication to Father, perhaps, instead of an insistence on driving His people against each other? Guess not. I guess Jen is a shallow, petty, worthless bitch and anyone who's stupid enough to follow her deserves their traitor's fate. I wonder how long before Father decides that the entire cult is no longer following His purposes and takes her down.

Honestly, though, don't expect to just waltz over and give someone outside the Free Market control over the Fire Cult. Did you really think it would be that simple? We'll be waiting.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

The Enemy of My Enemy

Dark times are upon us. For the moment, at least, I can feel my light waning.

Sloth found the Smith. A man of great unnatural skill and ability. Binder of Souls and Breather of Death. His every creation is an endless prison for those released of their mortal coil. I've no idea what monstrosity Sloth has used him to bring forth. From context I can tell he managed to bind someone long dead and as I understand it the Smith can only play with the recently departed.

How did Sloth know attempting such a doomed binding would work? He is not gifted like Smith and I. Nor blessed like Fracture. The weasel is swinging far above his belt and cementing his position. Can nothing stop that insufferable cockroach? Will nothing fell the Betrayer?

I sought to take his little toys away. They are not his to play with. They are Fracture's. And if anyone should be guiding the Smith as he forges his dark machinations, it should be the Fire. It is through the Fire we find passion and through the fire art's men find inspiration. The flame is the breath of all creation and his council should be with me, not with the roach.

But Moth, the unworthy wicker man, mask sympathizing filth that he is, managed to evade the efforts of my ambush party and as best that my scouts can tell is now well off the grid taking his undeserved life and his mind full of misappropriated secrets with him. My only solace is Sloth no longer as access to him and his vault of Fracture's apparently poorly kept secrets.

In response to the attack, the fools in the Free Market have warded their facilities. Nothing in and nothing out without someone's say so. It will take time to identify, find, and overtake which ever of their half-baked Crafters  is shielding them. John is undoubtedly maintaining the inside of the barrier. He is ever the hapless home body.

But any number of them could be playing door man from the outside. Devil, Whisper, Jack, or maybe someone new.... Em? Sloth has been quick with the Aces up his sleeves and I should explore all possibilities if I'm to turn this back in my favor.

It is unfortunate that my affront against Sloth's Free Market has been eating up so much of my time. I have not been able to give Fracture's little crusade the time it really deserves... and so I've come to a hard decision.

Sloth and Nat and to some degree even Fracture has been quite vocal of their distrust for the one they call 'the Red Witch' but I see opportunity. And so, especially in light of the sudden appearance of her blog, I'm reaching out to her.

Cordelia, from one red witch to another, I beseech thee. I've not the time to see to it that the Fire Cult carry out Father's will against the heathens that encroach upon what is rightfully His. My war against Sloth, though righteous and necessary in it's own right, is personal. Take my council and lead our people. Guide the Fire against the encroaching threat in my stead so that I may seek justice.

Hear my plea and know that Father wills it so.

Let us be united in these righteous causes.

Let the Fire guide you.

~The Lord Fire