This one is pretty self explanatory.

Seriously, why are you still reading this? It's a shop. There are items you can buy here that cost money.

Oh, confused about what 'PP' is? That stands for 'proxy points'. You should read 'this' if you haven't already.

Maybe that's a little complicated. Only a little though.

          The Essentials:

  • Generic Classic Ceramic Mask: $5
  • Custom Molded Ceramic Mask: $100
  • Custom Design Features: Varies - Base $25
  • Minimum PP Required: 1

Trent Coats:
  • Black, Brown, White, or Leather: $50
  • Any other colors of custom requests: $250
  • Minimum PP Required: 25


  • Black, Brown, White, and Gray: $30
  • Red: $60
  • Other: $50
  • Custom Color/Design/Features: $80
  • Minimum PP Required: 25

  • Chef's Knife: $5
    • Minimum PP Required: 1 
  • Cleaver: $10
    • Minimum PP Required: 5
  • Buck: $30
  • Bowie: $30
  • Other: $80
  • Custom: Varies - Base $100
    • Minimum PP Required: 100

  • 50 Ft: $10

Lock Picks:
  • One: $1
  • Beginners set: $15
    • Minimum PP Required: 1
  • Full Set: $50
    • Minimum PP Required: 50

Blood Pack (With Blood)
  • 500 mL: $20
  • Minimum PP Required: 25 (Can be waivered.)

Grappling Hook (Rope Sold Separately)
  • Price: $80
  • Minimum PP Required: 50


  • Safe Houses
  • Cars, Boats, Bikes, and Trucks
  • Hollows
  • Squadmates/Squad Leader
  • Loops
  • Code Names (If for some reason you decide you don't want to name yourself.)
  • More advanced, dangerous, or exotics weapons or firearms. 
  • Laptops and Desktops

While we do offer these things, they are not simply for sale. A request may be put and given certain circumstances we may offer these things but even when offered or when requested and approved these things are ours and can be reclaimed.

When applying for such things we take into account the applicant's accumulated 'Proxy Points', years in service to father, success record, trustworthiness, personality, personal philosophy, and location.

If you do feel you should be able to outright buy something listed above, do note that I found such things too numerous, with prices too various, and tastes too specific to spend the time listing and pricing each individual possibility. If you would like to try to arrange a direct buy of such items, do please contact us through e-mail and we will try to sort the possibility of your order.

Disclaimer: You certainly can not pay money to buy yourself Loops, Hollows, Squadmates, a Squad Leader, or to have yourself declared a Squad Leader.


These items, as far as I know, serve no practical purpose for use in common proxy efforts and activities. They are, however, awesome. While many of these are not cheap, to the right individual I am willing to bet these will be well worth the money. Runners may choose to try to order these but... I make no promises that the people we send to deliver them won't beat you to death with your purchase or that we won't abuse any payment information given to us to complete the purchase. That said, do call in.

  • There are many on both sides of the line, proxy and runner alike, who really miss Elaine. In an effort to cheapen that love and make bank at the same time, we invented this. While these pillows are not designed to be fucked, we won't judge you for trying.
  • Price: $50
  • Variant Options:
    • Pajamas
    • Corpse
    • Nude
    • Nude and Corpse
      (Because I know she had enemies and many of them were sick fucks. But seriously, we aren't judging you.)

 Konaa: the Game, the Movie, the Poster!
  • Don't remember Konaa ever fighting Father while riding on the back of a Dragon while wielding a dictionary? Neither do I! Seriously did that happen?

    These beautiful, high quality, and hand made works of art were designed by Picasso/Firecracker before she declared war on me to pursue her mad quest to ensure Duckie's death. Apparently, every poster contains some of her blood. Not that that is a selling point, truth in advertisement. We only have so many of these so order up fast before they are all gone.
  • Price: $100

Messenger Voodoo Doll
  • Each one comes with a bullet hole in it.
  • Price: $30

David Banks T-Shirt
  • I figure there is about a 90% chance we already pissed off Mr. Banks with the Elaine Body Pillow so we're going to go ahead and go for broke here. When I brought the T-Shirt design to Marketing, they bashed me for making light of rape. That may not sound amazing but I've never seen the Hollowed, thoughtless, goons express anything before. I ultimately decided that I should probably be doing the opposite of whatever the soulless and thoughtless expressed as they are both soulless and thoughtless. No brainer right?
  • Reads "I got raped by David Banks..." on the front.
  • Reads "...and all I got was this crappy T-shirt." on the back.
  • Price: $40
  • In hindsight, this one is in poorer taste than I maybe intended it to be.

LSD Laced Lollipop
  • Side effects may include but are in no way limited to hallucinations, flashbacks, anxiety, depression, and schizophrenia.
  • Price: $25

The Tutorial, the Leather Bound Book
  • This book is a gutted shadow of the blog that came before it. A best of book if ever one did exist, this book contains stripped down notes from the famous blog 'The Tutorial' to create a more focused guide to advise runners on how to be more worthy prey. The books intentionally look old and faded for effect and contains the words "I have no idea what I'm doing and I don't have it under control" on the cover below the title and author.
  • Price: $5
  • Spoiler: It's short.

The Morningstar Brand Morningstar
  • We're pretty sure he would hate this joke!
  • Price: $450
  • But seriously, this is a battle ready Morningstar.

The Lord Guardian Cowboy Set
  • In honor of Fracture who has left the Free Market to Pursue bigger and better things, we are offering to sell you his traditional word outfit so you too can look like a fucked up looking cowboy. The set comes complete with a Labcoat, Black Boots, a Black Cowboy Hat, a Black Shirt, Black Cargo Pants, and White Hair Dye all in high quality material and fit to order.
  • Price: $250
  • If you act now, for a nominal fee, we'll send you enough white foundation to color your whole body corpse white because why the fuck not.


  1. I just have to say.

    No matter how this turns out...

    This is completely hilarious and awesome.

    I'm assuming I don't have any points though.

    Maybe I can get The Second to buy me something.

  2. Oh my god this is too much. A proxy interested in making money. That in itself is so drop dead hilarious I actually kind of want to buy some of this shit just to see if it actually comes through. Will you ship it me? Do I have to put a bullet in the head of the delivery boy?

    What the hell are you the girl scout shop? That is the purpose you serve.

    Are you even a proxy? You sound more like the Wizard of Fucking Oz with his magical bag of cheap knickknacks trying to get in with the winning team so they don't set the motherfucking lion after him.

  3. $500,000 for a red hoodie? Dollars aren't my currency but I think you're taking the piss. Might as well buy a white one for 30 and dye it red with the blood of your victims. Or buy some red dye for another 30.

  4. I'm sorry, lockpicks? Why would we need those? Ignoring the path, nine times out of ten, people leave a window open, and the tenth time you can just wait outside. I guess for stuff like planting notebooks, but that still leaves a question; Why would we use lockpicks when we can just use the path?

    1. Not everyone can open the path. Not everyone wants to it.

      I hear its not a fun place.

    2. You got that right, but using it beats the hell out of refusing it just because it isn't safe or fun. You're more likely to get offed by a runner than a path beasty. Maybe not you personally, but people on the more practical side of things. By which I mean less political and administrative, not more useful.

    3. Most fire cultists won't touch the path... they have don't like how it messes with their passion.

  5. Just out of interest, can I get a David Banks shirt delivered to a specific proxy? Specifically, Snowblind. He's in the UK. I'm confident you can find me for payment?

    1. I'll E-mail you for information regarding payment and your friend's location. Once wired, we'll provide the dead drop info to pass along to your friend.

      As a special offer now, for no additional cost, I can also pass the information of your friend's location to Mr. Banks in an effort to make the nightmare real.

    2. That boat has already sailed, Fracture. But I do thank you for the thought.

    3. You can email whatever you need to know to

    4. Fuck you guys.

      The T-shirt is a nice fit, though. Might keep it around. Can't exactly give it to charity.

  6. You may want to stop with the red hoodies. Redlight's back, and he's on the wrong side of the fence. Wouldn't do for there to be a case of mistaken identity.