Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Fucking Brilliant

The first thing you need to know is that the Fire Cult has been dealt with. They are all free to go about serving Father. We wanted nothing more than to make sure the Cult was functioning properly instead of wasting itself fighting a stupid pointless war against the rest of the free market, and that has been assured.

I've never been overly fond of Whisper, but I have to say he is damn effective.

But to keep this all in order, lets start from the top. Sloth told you all about how we captured Jen. I had a great team for that, I kind of wish I could keep Snips, Firecracker, and Ivan, they're good fighters and did a great job. Jack... well, he's a kid. He held his own about as well as could be hoped for. Taking her down was much easier than expected, honestly. A fire hydrant was almost too obvious, really. How else would you take down a Fire, right?

I think Sloth may be rubbing off on me a bit. Ignore the stupid joke.

Anyway, after we fucked Jen's shit up, we had a potentially bigger dilemma to deal with-the entire Fire Cult still rebellious and angry. Which is where my team and Whisper came in. Jack and Ivan stayed with Sloth and Jen's corpse, just in case, while I took Snips and Firecracker into the main part of their Loop. Our mission was to get to the intercom room, so that we could broadcast Whisper's orders to the entire Loop. As you probably know, no one can disobey Whisper. It's just not possible. Which is why I usually avoid him, but for this, it came in very handy.

Unfortunately for us, when we arrived in the kitchen, there were at least fifty of them outside of it, arguing about their next move. Which is where Snips and Firecracker really stepped up. Firecracker can use the weird Fire Cult powers, which meant she could both blend in and cause chaos that wasn't easily traceable. She did so, causing one hell of a distraction. Snips went with her to help fend off anyone who might try to follow me or attack Firecracker. I, meanwhile, went on to the intercom room, very grateful that in the Loop no matter what happened they'd pop right back up in the morning.

Once in the intercom room, all it took was a phone call and a pair of earplugs, and the entire Fire Cult was subject to Whisper's instructions while I was not. Once Sloth, Devil, and the others showed up to finish things off, I joined them in the main hall where the entire Fire Cult was gathered sulkily. They had to show up, they had to submit, but none of them were overly happy about it.

They were even less happy to see what happened next. Ivan had Jen's corpse, and Whisper was standing by. It didn't take much to revive her, and with Devil manning the fire extinguisher, Whisper dealt with Jen in front of the entire cult. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what he did to her, but I don't know that it much mattered. I think even our enemies can agree that a woman so consumed by her own petty grudge she abandoned her duty to pursue it isn't exactly much good as a leader or a proxy.

Also, Duckie is back. More or less. And he showed up to help with crowd control and to take people's oaths. I wish I had more to say on such an obviously big event, but the circumstances of his resurrection are both top secret and completely confusing to me. The more overtly supernatural stuff admittedly still evades me. Suffice it to say that he's back and as spirited as ever. Maybe he'll even come back to the blog? Fucked if I know. He and I have hated each other since before he died, so he's certainly not telling me his plans.

Mumbles, now Lord Piper the Inferno apparently, now leads the Fire Cult. I'm sure she'll be great at it, I had been planning on giving her my job at some point, but I think she's needed much more in the Fire Cult. As a result, until I find someone I trust to take over, I'm once again pulling double duty as bodyguard and leader of the Mask Cult. They're talented people, they don't need me hovering over them all day anyway.

In conclusion, the Fire Cult is back where it should be, we're all getting back to our real work, and fuck you, Red Bitch.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

You Were Warned

Do you know how hard it is to steal a loop?

For your average person impossible. For a crafter, its an impressive feat that would take nothing more than their absolute best to ensure no one noticed the think they were living in being pulled away, modified, and re-tethered.

For the guy who practically made that loop and knows its every in and out by heart, its practically nothing.

For the record its not my fault. She was given every warning to stop but she just had to press her luck. I patiently waited to see what verdict she would come to and when word caught me she had left the loop for her meeting, I knew I had my answer. With this, she left me no choice.

I mean, I can't just let the fire cult go. They're a Free Market asset and Icon. In many ways, they are the front-line of defense and we've been suffering without them. Even the mask cult can recognize that it needs the fire cult to function properly and those assholes hate each other with a fiery passion. So as soon a Jen left, I had Jon secure her loop. Anyone who tried to enter or exit the loop would find themselves in the Fire Market's training hall where we stood ready with 100 armed masks and proxies.

I stood in the front of the fire row, waiting. I offered every arrival a chance. Serve the new Fire Lord mumbles or perish. Regardless of what they chose (Most said they'd rather perish) I had them gunned down and collected in cells to be revived once the queen bitch had been handled. And of course and and her finest eventually showed up.

She didn't hesitate when she saw me. She took a moment to gauge her surroundings and letting out a deep huff she started blowing a torrent of intense flame out of mouth.

There was a torrent of bullets that didn't make it to her as she threw out her hand and stopped blowing fire towards me so she could focus on and bending bullets around herself.

Her finest goons looked to charge me, knowing full well that the Fire was protecting them from a hail of bullets, rush for me but were met with my own ambush forces. Nat, Jack, Ivan, Snips, and Firecracker sprang out from the cover our of the floor boards and started carving them up. Its worth noting that Snips and Firecracker were two of her best fighters before they defected in favor of my regime when she tried to secede.

"Traitors," she declared throwing out her other hand to spray forth a short wave of flames at my team as the moved it to surround her. Her facing shifting as she put me on the back burner for later and turned to face this new threat. As I anticipated, she had completely disregarded me as a threat in this fight. So while she was bending bullet paths and spewing flames the other way to keep everyone else back, I walked up and clubbed her in the back of the head with my trusty fire extinguisher. I didn't wait to for her to get a chance to respond. As she was opening her mouth to spew flames at me I had already drawn the fire extinguisher's hose and I stuffed her stupid mouth and face with foam. Didn't take long for her to choke on and kill over on it.

Nat didn't take any chances. She, Snips, and Jack more or less dismembered and disemboweled the Fire to make sure she was gonna stay down... excessive to say the least but I liked their enthusiasm.

Among those cut down we found someone who wasn't on the known fire cult roster. I'm gonna assume that miss 'Rainy day' that jokes was referencing in his post. We also found a magic black stick. I'm assuming its the artifact Cordelia gave the Fire. I can't be sure though because I'm not sure what it does. All I know is it burns like the fucking sun when ever Nat or I try to hold it. Mumbles can apparently pick the damn thing up just fine though which is weird. "Maybe its specifically warded so Nat and I can't hold it? Hard to say."

Now I just need to figure out what do with the Fire, our other fire cult captives, and how I'm gonna re-induct the fucking fire cult to our ranks. They're a rowdy bunch and they were gearing up for a war...

Might have to go nuclear if I'm gonna put them back in their place.


Sloth out.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Dumb Fucking Bitch

So, things just keep getting more ridiculous every time that stupid fire bitch opens her mouth. I don't even know. Apparently she's trying to turn the Fire Cult over to the Red Bitch? Wow. I thought she still had some kind of respect for fuckface, but I guess not. For someone who's supposed to be all cold logic and shit, she's sure damn willing to abandon logic, rationality, and loyalty to indulge in some stupid fucking grudge. 

I didn't know the fire cult stood primarily for selfish, petty wastes of time,energy, and life. Silly me, for thinking that a cult in such formerly high standing probably had some sort of honor or purpose. A dedication to Father, perhaps, instead of an insistence on driving His people against each other? Guess not. I guess Jen is a shallow, petty, worthless bitch and anyone who's stupid enough to follow her deserves their traitor's fate. I wonder how long before Father decides that the entire cult is no longer following His purposes and takes her down.

Honestly, though, don't expect to just waltz over and give someone outside the Free Market control over the Fire Cult. Did you really think it would be that simple? We'll be waiting.