Sunday, April 27, 2014

Dani the Girl is...?

I think that's the right song. I'm looking at the last three entry titles and they seem to be the lyrics from a Red Hot Chili Peppers song.

No wait... my Ginger is informing me that those are lyrics from the song hes being making Jack listen too.

Guess that makes sense... sort of. Not sure why he would do that after he spent all that time bitching being forced to listen to music. Maybe its stuck in his head or something? Suppose that could also make sense.

I should introduce my Ginger.

Meet Jaivannelloxisomianthei'untimnyscious (Shorted for your benefit) O'Donnel

Sup. Just call me Ivan. Letters 3 through 6 of my name. Its easier that way.

Care to explain to people why the fuck your name is so messed up.

My Dad was a proxy. He had this weird ritual where he would add a letter to his name ever time he killed someone. Apparently until I was old enough to speak, he gave those letter me to and made that my legal name... somehow. Pretty sure they aren't supposed to let you do that but then again the Bureaucracy was a thing back then. He probably greased some palms or something.

Same man that kept you locked in basement and dumped you in the woods for a week to fend for yourself to prove your strength?

Yep... thanks for sharing that... asshole. I just gonna remove all that.

I'm just gonna put it back in when you leave the room.

Fuck you fuck face.

I missed you too.

So yeah. I've actually been back for a little while. Been taking a nice little mini vacation in my closet to get away from the world and catch up on my reading. 

I mean, I just helped save the world and shit... or 'a world' I guess. Regardless, I'd definitely earned my sabbatical. 

And along came Jack, the whiny and terrible.

Yep. Your pupil. I can't help but feel that you have to shoulder some of the blame there.

I abso-fucking-lutely disagree.

By the powers vested in me by my lord guardianness-

Your self proclaimed title.

... Yeah. I declare you overruled. Its your fault.


So much class you can kiss my ass.

So yeah. Jack spoiled that. Not only did he tell Devil and Fire I was back, and they made me get back to work, but he fucking announced it to the world that I was available again and now I have to go do things.

You're such a whiny fucking slacker.

I'll take no sass from schzo.

The hello you won't.

The hell I won't what?

You said... uh...


Fuck you.

So right. Back. Should explain what Jack did after his last post and wrap this train wreck of an introduction up.

Apparently, following him using me as an distraction by announcing my return to the rest of the compound, he went and stole your iPod. 


And then he had a mask open up a path door in front of where Maggot had dumped all his stuff in the path and threw the iPod in blaring 'Never Gonna give you up'.

A beautiful classic.

So while the denizen that had been sleeping on his stuff was busy being Rick Rolled and was out desperately trying to find and destroy your iPod, little jack grabbed all his shit and returned to the compound and had the path door sealed behind him.


How do we know all this?

The little dumbass was bragging about it.

Hahahaha. Classic Jack.

Said the guy who has't been her to hand out with Jack for the last month.

Fuck you.

So to punish Jack for destroying my shit we've locked him in a room with 'Never Gonna give you up' playing over and over again and with Maggot in there to beat on him.


But well deserved.

Don't think you might be power tripping on this mentor things? No repressed Daddy issues coming out.

This is fucking over. Later fuck face, I have a ten year old to torture.

... Well okay then. Guess this is as good a way to announce my return as any.

I'm back. 

Lord Guardian Fracture out.


  1. ...Never Gonna Give You Up is still better than that #SELFIE song.

  2. This is too funny. Hey, at least he got his stuff back?