Proper Proxy Perspective

I've been putting this post off trying to make sense of everything, and by everything I do mean all of it.

Why am I alive when I am so very certain I died? Why have I become this mutated thing whose skin can bear no scars and tolerate no cuts?  How is Firecracker alive when I impaled her with a sword and threw her off a building some three years ago? If both of my new squad mates are supposed to be individuals from my past, then who the fuck is Trent? If attachment is weakness, than why did I seek out something to cling to? If Morningstar’s angelic little crusade is successful, what will become of me as a grunt who has always had to receive his orders from someone other than the Master? If everyone deserves to die, why did I hesitate for so long before every kill since my own death? Why was I so weak the dead had to hunt me down to remind me of my promise? For what possible fucking reason was I paired with a mad therapist whose sole function, as far as I can tell, is to tease and torment me until I’m about ready to kill him just to disappear until I’ve calmed down so he can do it again?

I can honestly say at this point that I wish I had never met Ember. I wish I had never sent that fucking e-mail. Because then I wouldn’t have to be trying to let Ember go now and Fracture wouldn’t have ever ruined Ember’s plan. And the most painful fucking thing about that is I can’t even be mad at him because he didn’t do anything that I wouldn’t have done myself if I had understood the full extent of Ember's rebellion because Ember isn't fighting the system for the Master like Morningstar is. Ember is fighting it in an effort to hurt the Master, a path I can’t fucking follow.

And I think I can’t help but hate Morningstar for his rebellion because I died trying to declare myself an independent. When they couldn’t stop me, the Master himself showed up and pulled me to pieces. What makes his ass so fucking special? Is it the scope? I was just trying to leave the bureaucracy’s shadow after all. I thought I could better serve the Master on my own. He wants to burn the fuckers down on his way out. I guess I just wasn’t as violent as I should have been. That’s a great lesion to try to take away from that. Don’t just burn your bridges on the way out, go ahead and burn the people on both sides of it, because fuck them.

I spent a lot of time trying to make sense of all of this bullshit. Why? What was the point of it all? What the fuck was the point of any of this? Why wasn’t I just left in the ground?

I was so confused until I read Lisa’s blog.
She had this stupid fucking question where she stopped to wonder what exactly was going to happen to her and could only decide on the fact that it was going to be something bad, something she didn’t want. But still she pressed on in her question on what exactly it was. I just had this one response ringing loud in my head the whole time I was reading it. Words I’ve told many a confused runner as they try to piece together why exactly I serve what they could only hope to understand was a monster. “Does it fucking matter?” Because it doesn’t, not for them at least. They’re going to die and knowing why wasn’t going to stop it. And the same went for Lisa. Something bad is going to happen to her regardless of what details she can work out. She thinks she’s fighting it by trying to figure out the details but she’s just playing into their fucking mind games. Those questions don’t actually have to have an answer; they just have to keep you busy till December.

And then I really thought about it and I realized that was the only answer I needed for my own stupid fucking questions and concerns. Doesn’t really fucking matter at this point? I am going to fucking die, that’s happening and as far as I’m concerned it’s happening soon, I don’t care how many months I’ve been saying that for. So fuck it. Fuck all of it. I’ve lost sight of what’s really important. The masters work. I just need to serve him and as long as I do I don’t need to give to shit about the answer to any question because then I can rest easy knowing that I’m doing my fucking job and as long as my list stands I’ll always have my orders on who to hunt. I’ll always have my answer on who deserves to die first.

And this same logic goes for Ember too! What do I care what Ember seems to think needs to be done? Does it even matter? As far as I’m concerned Ember is mine. Ember will always be MINE. Ember can do whatever for all I care because Ember will always be mine until the day the Master personally gets tired of ‘em and disposes of Ember his self. And until that day I’ll cut that anyone stupid enough to try to get between us, Ember included.

So fuck it all, I have my peace of mind and if the rest of you need more answers than that you can all go fuck yourselves.

Ugly Duck Out.

Cherry Topper

Call me sadistic or an ass for it, but I’ve got to say this has been a great few weeks.

After his time spent sleep deprived and on the run, subject 926 was brought back remotivated, in full swing, and in serious pain. It was a beautiful trifecta. I find it likely he had been holding back before now and trying to deal with a great number of conflicting emotions. He really is so much like those stupid fucking fire cultists. It was never good enough for them to be at war with the world, they had to be at war with themselves too. You never get anything done like that though.

Time to really test that new found conviction of Duckie’s.
As the cherry on top of the shake that is this fan-fucking-tastic week I have a great hidden truth to reveal to the world. ‘Ember Fay’ is a traitor. She’s been killing her Backers one by one. I’ve just sent Theta the proof, a picture of Ember attacking the now dead backer they called ‘Smith’ and a voiced confession by Ember herself. This is an official black listing. Ember Fay has defected and is not to be trusted. All active agents and personnel within our ranks must terminate Ember on sight or alert us to Ember’s presence so someone more capable can be sent to handle the situation. Failure to comply can and will result in your immediate termination. No more traitors will be tolerated to any extent.

God I love my job.
Fracture Out.

[Dream Weaved]

"Imagine there's no sunlight... I wonder if you can? No source of warmth or guidance.
The darkened state of man."

-Duckie’s first words after some six years of silence

It was dark. It was so dark.

After days without sleep it got harder and harder to move around. My body was sore and every step was beginning to feel like a serious chore. I had to stop driving around after I clipped another car trying to turn and ended up speeding off through a one-way street to get away from the accident.

I didn’t spend more than a day in one place at first but didn’t last. Even if I could muster up the mobility, I had started seeing things. People, actually. Victims. With every passing day I felt the world slowly grow darker around me and as it grew darker I started noticing the dead walking the streets among me. The darker it got the more of them there were and the more of them that took note of me. I could feel them following me.

As all light slowly drained from my world the cold began to set in. There was no warmth. I could feel my body trembling, after the first few days I think I was trembling at all times. I remember crumpling over and screaming at one point from frustration at how difficult it was becoming to do anything. I screamed only to realize I had been surrounded by those I had damned and had to cut through several of them just to escape, bolting at full speed to anywhere they weren’t.

There was fire littering that blackened place. No warmth and they provided very little actual visibility but they gave me a safe direction to move in and kept the damned at bay… for a little while at least.

When the fire went out, or when a fire went out nearby, I knew it was time to move. They were coming.

And that went on for… ummm… well I don’t actually know. It felt like an eternity though. I had almost nothing to draw a point of reference from by that point.

…I knew it was over on that last day. All the fires suddenly went out at once.
I could hear them approaching from all directions. I ran in the direction of the closest extinguished fire. I was shit for shape through and through at that point but I managed to cut through a few the damned as I barreled onward. The dead aren’t exactly sporty.

I was hoping, with everything I had, that maybe, just maybe, the fire hadn’t gone out. That the flames had only dimmed. I was greeted at the extinguished flame by the only thing hope has ever brought me, pain and regret. There was no fire and there were even more damned there waiting for me than I had ever seen gathered before. I fought. I gave it everything I had but they were too much. They held me down, many digging into my flesh to make sure there would be no escape. And that’s when it got bad.

She showed up. She was so angry she began to burn into her own flame when she started screaming at me. As she approached the other damned let go and backed off, driven back by her fire.

“Is this it?!”

She stepped closer. I couldn’t move. I was so cold. I think that made her angrier.

“All your promises. ALL YOUR LIES!”

She lifted me up by the throat. It burned. I could feel her fire spreading, slowly engulfing me.

“AM I WORTH SO LITTLE THAT YOU WOULD SPARE THEM?!”

I could barely see her over the flames at that point, I had been entirely engulfed. I used what little strength I had left forcing one word out.

“N-No!”

And then her fire suddenly burnt out leaving me as the only one still covered in flames.

Softly she spoke.
“Prove it.”

And then she lifted me higher and I felt the Masters embrace. Tendrils engulfed me… and the world was no more.

No more sympathy. No more doubt. No more empty words.
Everyone deserves to die. I’m going to make sure everyone gets what they deserve.

When the Masters done with them of course.
You all should count yourselves lucky I’m leashed.
Swan out.

[He left this blank so I named this post 'Frank' for him.]

“There is nothing but peace when you die so why would you spend a single second in the waking world looking for it. 

That would be retarded.”

-Duckie

Tired. Trying to catch up on sleep but needed to catch up on derelict duties. Can’t stop hunting.
[Sure Ember hasn’t helped much in that getting rest department. Bowchikawowow.]

Killed nine people in the last 4 days. No time for sport. Shot them. Threw one guys off a roof. That was funny. Splat!
[It’s always funny when it happens to someone else isn’t it Duckie? As a post note to any readers, he couldn’t see these at the time that he wrote this. I added these after the fact, that’s why he isn’t freaking out… yet. Just thought I would clear that up.]

So much paperwork for… every little thing. Damaged property, notice of death without proper forms, killing too many people in one day, poor subordination control, and my favorite, ‘Running’. Fucking generalizations.
[Although still entirely accurate, he did 'run'.]

Budget has been cut in half over Firecasso burning up parts of the place.

She’s super mad. Little disappointed I’m alive. I’m a poor fucking teacher apparently or I wouldn’t be.
[Blah blah blah, I’m whiny and suicidal! I live on borrowed time! They’re going to take it back! Fucking cry baby.]

She got called to those fucking Maskless bastards. Training or something. More like a week of quiet. Hope those bastards burn.
[Blah blah blah, blind hatred for people he has never met.]

Ember has been over. Keeps me safe.
[Among other things, WOAH!]
West passes back and forth.
[See, I don’t even have to try on that one. Too easy.]

Trent… still doesn’t fucking talk.
[Blah blah blah, Trent.]

Fracture is back... punched him. Like a lot.
[Yeah, that part kind of sucked. And by punched, he of course means sucker punched me leading into a 5 minute beating... good times.]

Had freaky ass daymares while I was ‘running’. Talk about it next time.
[Ha ha. Daymares.]

Swan out! [Fracture out!]

Strikethrough

“You’ll never get an apology out of me, bitch.
I can never take back anything I do because it’s done.
There is no point second guessing it because of that.
If I did it, it must have been the right thing to do!”

-Duckie in regards to Firecracker’s brother.

FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK! Why?!

Mr. Duck lives and I have a serious headache over it. I beat that bitch there, he was mine. He couldn't do anything. ANNNNYYYTTHING. He was fast a fucking sleep! I could have casually strolled up and SLIT HIS THROAT! No more Duck… no more PAIN…. But that screaming. The constant fucking SCREAMING. I can still hear it in the walls. I keep punching them but they won’t stop! Shut up. SHUt Up. SHUTTUP!

West is hardly a worthy distraction with his ridiculous fucking bear-ness! That is to say he is a big scary fucking bear of a man! His ridiculousness fit right in with Trent. Birds of a feather have no personality together! And then that fucker called me needy!

I should really try to straighten this out into some sort of order.

1. Went with bitch to find Mr. Duck.
4. Did not find Mr. Duck.
9. Received anonymous tip telling us where Mr. Duck was.
10. Beat bitch to Mr. Duck.
12. Fail to kill mister Duck. THERE WAS NO CRYING!
15. Go home.
28. Bitch and Bear show up at home with Mr. Duck.
31. Punch screaming walls! FUCK WALLS
32. WEST IS A RIDICULOUS FUCKING BEAR
33. Find out bitch and bear aren’t leaving.
36. Smother self.
1003. Come back as zombie and write STUPID fucking progress report.
-299. Fail at list making.

I think I need to go kill something. NEED painting materials.

Mission failed, are you fucking happy Mr. Rock Monster!
I hope your ridiculous granite body finds a way to burn in hell!
Firecracker

His Hurt, My Betrayal

“May peace never find you, may loss ever haunt you.
When death finally finds you, I hope you’ve nothing left to lose... AHH!”
                                    -Sierra’s Last words

So after a busy afternoon of burning everything Mr. Duck owned while he was out, save for the list of course, I made a fascinating discovery!

Seems Mr. Duck wrote a last will and testament, fancy that. No idea what it said, I lit it on fire. But as the last person to have ever seen it I think I’ll take three shares of EVERYTHING. Well… everything but some dirty spoon that couldn’t catch fire. I gave that to Trent! You know, because I’m like super nice and shit. There really wasn’t much left over after I was done burning stuff. Nothing but a spoon… oh, and my brother’s fucking sword. Apparently Mr. Duck has been lugging it around with him, which is super fucking creepy.

It was never his to have, ever. EVER, EVER, EVER! Not after what he did with it.

And finally an opportunity to make him pay,
Ember called me the other day. Seems Ember can’t find Mr. Duck alone. Having spent a year hunting him made ME of ALL people, the leading expert in duck hunting.

“You’ll serve a purpose yet.”

So Ember and I are going to go find him tomorrow.
And as weak as he should be by now, I’m finally going to KILL THE LIVING SHIT out of him and with the very sword that started it all!

“Now, now. Be a good girl.”

ARRRUUUGH!

Probably… I… Fuck… I have a headache.
I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do. But just in case this message is on a delay so Ember shouldn’t see it till our hunt starts.

God I hope Mr. Duck dies this time.
I hope he finally bleeds… I PRAY HE SCREAMS.

So cold

“What you do to one person, you have to be ready to do for all of them.
Can your heart handle that? Can you then take it in turn?”
            -Sierra

It;s sooooooo cold. Darkness everywhere. Percing fire covers everything.

Callingto me... singing to me,,, la al la.

They are coming ... the fire cant stop them,

So angry. To many to killagain. Stop it!. STOP IT.