Tuesday, April 23, 2013

My Little David: Rape is Magic II

Cupcake Edition. ^-^

Its funny. Trust me.

Now let me clarify something before I share the following. While I have nothing against David Banks personally, his abandonment of service and what he is capable of makes him a very dangerous person and as long as he continues to stand as a force apart from Father he is to be considered too dangerous to be left alive. Having said that I share the following in light of the fact that it may scare off proxies that may have been considering going after David themselves to try to collect on his high bounty. I share this in spite of that because you need to know how dangerous a task this is. David may very well kill you should you fail... if you're lucky.

Four nights ago a recovery team responded to a distress call. The caller was hysterical and was babbling incessantly.

Legolas
[The Proxy in Distress. Apparently an Elf from middle earth.]

"Fuck man, come help me. Please god come help me. He killed them all. Hes g-got a cleaver! C-Come help me now!"

*Screaming. 'We're All in This Together' from High school Musical can be heard playing in the background in a moment of silence following the scream*

"C-C-Cu-... H-He c-cut off my fu-"

*More screams. "...make our dreams come true...!"*

David
"The poor thing fainted. You should come pick him. He doesn't look well."

*Hang Up Noise*

When they arrived they made a cautious sweep of the house and found the bodies of three proxies in the basement and one barely still living proxy, apparently Legolas, tied to a chair.

All of the bodies where unrecognizable. 
Beyond the cuts, gashes, puncture wounds, missing teeth, burn marks, and bruises/tears that stand as a clear indicator of violent rape that all three corpses shared, two of the bodies had large sections of their skin removed.

Given the intact nature of the internal organs and the excessive amount of blood soaking the floor, it would appear all three of the murdered victims met their death in blood loss when David was done with them.

Based on what we were able to get out of Legolas once he finally calmed down and agreed to talk with us about what happened,  he was tied down and made to watch David slowly torture, rape, and kill his friends one at a time.

"Wh-When he was finished with... wh-when they f-f-finally stopped screaming and st-struggling... he'd sk-skin them. F-F-F-Fucking cook and feed them to us. Starve us out... t-taunted us when we f-finally..." he stammered out and then started vomiting and crying.

While Legolas himself was not tortured, beyond having to watch his friends die at least, he did not make it out Scott free. David removed Legalos' right leg from just above his knee down, which is what we heard happening over the phone.

Legolas is currently taking residence in the Free Market HQ and will be recieving bi-weekly therapy and weekly physical therapy lessons until such a time that I am satisfied that he has become 'well' again.

To those of you out there still looking to collect on David's Bounty, Father help you.

I wish you a quick death.

The Lord Guardian Fracture, out!

42 comments:

  1. Where were the cupcakes in this?

    Also, even though I'm a runner, how can I make sure to not encounter this guy?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The cupcakes are a reference to something in the 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic' fandom.

      That's a funny reference. Trust me.

      Delete
    2. OK.

      And, um, how can I avoid running into this bloke?

      Delete
    3. Well, hes roaming around right now so... pray.

      Delete
    4. Not religious.

      But he only targets proxies, right?

      Delete
    5. You're in no danger, little badger. I am seriously cutting down my rape and torture nowadays. And junk food. Both are bad for you, I hear. Right now I am reserving it only for those who come after me. So leave me alone and I'll leave you alone. At least that's the plan. I've always had impulse control issues.

      Delete
    6. Hard to say. He use to do this sort of thing for fun to both sides. He was not a handler whose bad side you wanted to be on.

      Delete
  2. It's like Morningstar has a twin brother or something...

    And this is why I think all Proxies are CRAZY.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did you really just compare me to Morningstar?

      I'm beginning to not like you, pet.

      Delete
    2. PET? Davy, I'm not your PET.

      Back off. Go bother someone who's actually afraid of you.

      Delete
    3. Someone actually intelligent you mean? Because I believe the above post is a rather compelling reason a sane person would be afraid of me. Fear is wise. And courage isn't the absence of it.

      And why does everyone trying to get under my skin call my Davy? Of all the various things they could come up with, that's the one they pick.

      Oh pet, you'll have to be far more impressive to earn a better name.

      Delete
    4. What is bravery and what is bravado?

      I'm not afraid of you because I've never met you. And as far as knowledge goes...David, I don't even know that much about you. All I know is that you torture and kill people.

      I'm not afraid of death. Therefore, I am not afraid of you.

      Delete
    5. We have to earn names in a ranking system now, Mr Banks? Where does 'little badger' stand?

      Delete
    6. If we have to earn names, then he has to earn the right to be called "David". Come on, Sanna. What's a good name for this guy?

      Delete
    7. You really don't need to fear death to Fear David. Death is kind and quick. What David does is not, Pet Steve.

      Delete
    8. Well, I will cross that bridge if and when I come to it.

      And you are NOT allowed to call me "Pet".

      Delete
    9. If we had talked a year ago, that bridge would already be here pet. It doesn't take much archive binging to see what I do to those who metaphorically poke me with a stick. But by all means. Continue.

      And 'little badger' is below your name but above generic endearments. I know very little about you, but you seem the likable sort.

      Delete
    10. OK BITCH, YOU JUST CROSSED A FUCKING LINE! YOU DO NOT COMPARE ME TO THAT GODDAMN RAPIST ASSHAT! I DO NOT RAPE PEOPLE. That shit is just WRONG. What the hell. I oughta go TRACK YOUR SORRY ASS DOWN AND SHOW YOU THE FUCKING DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HIM AND ME!

      Delete
    11. Woah! Look who I got to crawl out of his metaphorical hole.

      Guys, if a 15 year-old girl can piss you off THIS much...

      Temper, temper. Calm down, boys. No need to shout.

      Delete
    12. Oh Jesus. A brat. Lovely. OK let me explain to you exactly why your statement comparing me to David Motherfucking Banks pissed me off. I will use small words, so that your tiny, but growing, brain will comprehend and understand.

      David is a rapist. This means that he rapes people. You follow me? Rape is a very bad thing that is incredibly disgusting. Right? You get me? So by comparing me to David, you are comparing me to someone who rapes people. Which is disgusting. Does that make sense? Do I need to spell it out further for you child?

      I am not a rapist. Don't compare me to one because I am not one and am incredibly disgusted by them. By comparing me to one, you made me ANGRY. Do you know what Angry is little girl? I see plenty of reason to shout, due to the aforementioned anger, at the smug kid who just compared me, a non-rapist, to an an actual rapist. I also see plenty of reason to skin you alive, after burning your Justin Bieber music collection... Or... Whatever the fuck it is you kids listen to these days.

      Oh... Wait. Sorry. "Aforementioned." Big word right? Silly me. Forgot how intellectually deficient you are at this age... OH. Shoot. I did it again. So Sorry. Tell you what, as an apology, I will let this go. No skinning you alive and burning your precious music and clothes and... Boyfriends/Girlfriends. I might even throw a complementary bottle of alcohol in, for when you get your driver's permit. That news story might put a smile on my face.

      Delete
    13. Note to self: Morningstar hates rapists and necrophiliacs.

      But murder and cannibalism is cool with him.

      Delete
    14. Yeah, but where is the line? Who decides that necrophilia is worse or better than rape or whatever?

      Delete
    15. You do? You should probably have a pretty good grasp on your own personal values. I'm not a guidance counselor you know.

      Delete
    16. And here is my response.

      http://hopeexistsinsideeveryone.blogspot.com/2013/04/a-response_23.html

      Delete
    17. Hey Ma! Look! I was referenced in the comment section under "Necrophilia"! I feel achieved.

      But in all seriousness (Yeah right) I think that what David does, is beautiful! Rape causes two of the most beautiful ways of destruction to a human being, mental and physical!

      So beautiful!

      Delete
    18. @Kelevra

      How do you know I was talking about you? Well, I was, but still - YOU. ARE. MADDENING.

      I WILL THROW YOU INTO A NITROGLYCERIN BATH AND DROP A LIGHTER IN IT.

      Delete
    19. Yes, a volcano. AND I WILL STAPLE HIS REMAINING EYE SHUT AND SHOVE A PINEAPPLE UP THE CRACK OF HIS ASS.

      AUGH. MY ANGER.

      Delete
    20. You could always launch him into space without a spacesuit. Then just sit back and watch him implode.

      We should talk to NASA.

      Delete
    21. Include a space suit, but put live angry lobsters around the crotch.

      Hang on, he doesn't feel pain or anything does he? Dammit.

      Delete
    22. Again, no spacesuit. Or...give him a broken one?

      Delete
  3. Most days I wish I was over there so I could help others more.

    Days like this make me go 'WELL I'M SURE GLAD I'M FAR FAR AWAY FROM THIS GUY."

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh my god.I'd read about the guy, but this is way worse than I'd thought possible.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I see what you're doing. Good on you.

    ~

    ReplyDelete
  6. This guy sounds like fun. I'll put fighting him on my list of things to do once Slendy's dead and buried.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ugh. Ronan would be SO FUCKING PROUD. Asshole.

    ReplyDelete